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looking too pale."
It dawned on Gina that something was being said that she didn't understand. She
tilted her head to the right. "Aren't you feeling well?" Gina queried softly of her new
friend. She didn't think Carol would reject her concern.
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"Absolutely wonderful." Carol replied, her face lighting up instantly. "We are
going to have our first baby come this next May." Gina was truly happy for her. She
didn't have to ask if she was pleased about it. No wonder Richard had been hovering
around his wife all evening.
"I am so happy for you." Gina was sincere; they deserved children.
"Me too. I thought I would never get pregnant it seems like we've been trying
forever. Not that I would want to stop trying but Richard wanted children so bad." She
looked at Gina from under her red tipped lashes. "Are you and Alan planning on having
children?"
Suddenly Gina was mortified, she hadn't even given it a thought. Not even as
much as taking precautions. What if Alan didn't want children? Of course he wanted
children hadn't he told her that very thing? But so soon? She knew Carol was watching
and waiting for an answer. What could she say?
"We haven't really discussed it to much length yet." Gina hedged. She only hoped
Carol understood and didn't question her.
"Well, don't feel bad, there is plenty of time for that latter, after all you re still
newly weds. I didn't even feel I really knew Richard until after we'd been married a year."
Carol turned towards the bedroom where her purse was. "The war paint covers a
multitude of sins don't you agree." Carol went off laughing to herself about her make up.
She actually wore very little.
Gina walked slowly down the stairs, thinking to herself about Alan. Would he
want a baby this soon? The thought of having Alan s baby actually thrilled her. She
would ask him how he felt about it tonight.
Her happy steps came to a halt as she realized that Alan and Richard were
keeping their voices deliberately low to talk about something. A foreboding shiver of
apprehension shot through her body. The closer to the study door she got the worse it
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shook her. When she reached for the doorknob to open the door she paused, she didn't
want to walk in unannounced if it was a business discussion.
"When?" Asked Richard dryly; he didn't sound like his cheerful self. Gina heard
the tinkling of ice in their glasses; one of them had stopped to take a drink.
"Tonight." Alan answered him hesitantly. "It's going to be a big surprise for her.
Gina has no idea at all that it is coming."
What was it that she had no idea was coming? What did Alan sound so down
about if it was supposed to be a big surprise? Something just didn't jive here and Gina
didn t know what it was.
There was a long pause and when they started talking again Gina assumed it was
on the same subject. Richard s voice was strained. "I don't understand Alan. Didn t you
love the girl?"
Tears burned at her eyes.
"No I didn t." Alan snapped at him impatiently. "I wanted to domesticate her and
get even with her for using me and tricking me. Surely you remember that whole affair."
Alan paused again and sighed deeply. His voice when he spoke sounded almost clinical.
"I had this idea that I would break her spirit and then send her packing. It would be so
easy to take everything from her and leave her with nothing."
Gina stiffened; she wasn t really hearing this was she? Her mouth was suddenly
dry and her throat ached from trying to hold back the tears. Tears burned on her pale
cheeks already. This was Alan talking, her beloved Alan, and the light of her life. He was
talking about her as if she was nothing to him. Was she nothing in his eyes?
 I wanted to take her so high that she would never survive the fall, not without a
lifetime of scars. She listened to the cold strained inflection of his voice, it didn t even
sound like the Alan she knew. This man talking sounded like a complete stranger.
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Gina stumbled back in to the foyer a few steps. What had she heard? Alan didn't
love her? How could that be? Things whirled around in her mind relentlessly. Things
started coming together that she had thought strange before. The strange toast Alan had
made on their wedding night. 'Here s to us, to the truth. The truth? Was what she
overheard the real truth for Alan? Was he planning on humiliating her  Tonight? In front
of his friends? Did they know about this? No, she didn't think so. He was warning
Richard even now.
Her brain screamed its pain. It was all a lie. A LIE !
Alan didn't love her. He was trying to get even with her in a morbid way. He was
using her. Gina nearly laughed hysterically. Hadn't she asked herself a hundred times
what a man as successful as Alan could see in a simple girl like her?
She couldn't let anyone see her like this, especially not Alan. She had to have time
to think, time to absorb all of this. She couldn't face anyone just yet. Above her she could
hear Carol closing one of the doors and in a flurry of movement Gina grabbed her purse
from the shelf in the entry way closet and dashed out the front door.
Her heart was surely numb. She felt violated. She wouldn't let Alan have his
revenge, she wouldn't.
Her feet reacted despite the condition of her shocked state. This way he would
never know the deathblow he had dealt her. She could rob him of that much satisfaction,
if nothing else. The rain streamed down over her face and mingled with her tears. The
darkness swallowed her up. Alan would never know how much he had hurt her. He
would never know just how well his plan had worked.
Days latter Gina still sat in a run down motel room figuratively licking her
wounds. Unable to call Alan for fear of hearing the worst, Gina made up her mind to
leave Connecticut and never return.
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There was nothing left for her here. If Alan was searching for her, she didn't want
to be found, she would g far, far away. To where, she didn't know. She didn t have any
o
particular place in mind, just away from here, away from Alan, away from the memories
that were burned in to her brain.
What was Alan thinking? What was he feeling? He was probably relieved to be
rid of her.
Gina sighed; nothing was going to be easy. Willpower would keep her going; it
never failed her in the past.
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CHAPTER TEN
AND BLESSINGS ON THE FALLING OUT
THAT ALL THE MORE ENDEARS,
WHEN WE FALL OUT WITH THOSE WE LOVE,
AND KISS AGAIN WITH TEARS.
TENNYSON
Hazily, in her drug-induced state Gina remembered back. She hated to do that, but
sometimes she just couldn't help herself. It had started out as such an enjoyable evening.
Then with horror that hadn't been diminished over time she remembered how that
evening had come to an abrupt halt. Her happiness had been shattered so swiftly in one
stroke.
Had it really been two years? Two long, lonely years, the pain was still
unbearable to even think about it. The rest of that fateful evening was a total blur to Gina.
She had left Alan s house with only her purse, not even a coat to protect her from the
cold and the rain. If a nice old farmer hadn't of come along when he did, Gina might have
been forced t turn back. Gina had left with a broken spirit all right, Alan had seen to
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