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pointing a revolver at him.  What the& ? Where& how?
Both the other men went to ground as Wilson cocked the gun
and beamed.
 It s me or you. One of us won t be making it out of this
room alive. Now c mon! Ask yourself, have you got the balls?
Benjamin arrived at the doorway looking perplexed.
 Wilson? What the hell is going on?
 Not to worry sir. You just keep well back as your landlord
and I sort out a few things.
 Has he tried increasing the rent? We can afford it. This
place is cheap!
 Not quite sir, it seems we ve had a few housemates we
weren t aware of.
 What s with the lights and the poppies?
 I ll explain later sir, Wilson never took his eyes off the
landlord.  Now& .are you going to put your gun down?
 I haven t got a gun.
 Not you Master Benjamin, your landlord!
 Oh man! This area! Tell him there s no need for that, we ll
pay the rent dead on time.
 Listen, the landlord was sweating.  Let us leave with this
lot and then we ll never come back. That s a good deal. You ll get
the house! It s a good place! It s got a spacious cellar and would
go for a lot around here! Nobody gets hurt and everybody gains
something! Everybody s a winner!
 I don t concur, Wilson shook his head.  You must be
punished for your heinous crimes.
 Well then, the landlord gulped.  It s you or me.
  I m calling Banks! Benjamin went back into the hall to
pick up the phone.
 Tell him not to! barked the landlord.
The doorbell rang.
 Oh not now! Benjamin was torn between that and dialling
the number.
 I can t answer that I m afraid sir! It s more than my life s
worth. Could you call down the Chicken to do it?
 I ll do it!
 I don t think that s appropriate sir! A member of the Bunt
family hasn t answered the door since a shocking day in 1823 when
all the staff were struck down with syphilis.
Benjamin opened the door to find Detective Inspector Banks
standing on the step with his arms behind his back and a knowing
look about his countenance.
 Banks? But I was about to..
 Call me? I m not surprised, he stepped past Benjamin to
enter the house. Going to the cellar doorway he peered in.  A nice
little set up we have here and no mistake!
 I ll shoot! insisted the landlord.
 You ll do nothing of the sort! Banks went down into the
cellar as Benjamin, now joined by the Chicken and Puddles,
watched.  You ll do twenty years!
 Can t we do a deal?
 I m not some junkie you can barter with on a street
corner! Banks marched towards him holding a pair of handcuffs.
 Stay back! screamed the landlord now pointing the gun at
Banks.
A shot could be heard in the cellar as the landlord collapsed
to the ground holding his right knee. Banks immediately pulled out
his handkerchief and used it to remove the gun from his grip. He
got on the radio for back up as Wilson blew the gun smoke from
the tip of the barrel.
 Good shot! remarked Banks.
 Aaaagh!
 Thank you, I ve managed to keep my eye in over the
years.
The other two men jumped up with their arms aloft.
That night the police arrived to remove the contraband while
the three criminals were jailed for life. The landlord s last words,
before being shoved in the back of a police van, were that the rent
was to be tripled and that he would send someone around to do
quarterly inspections.
 Tripled? Wilson remarked.  That ll buy him a few more
phone cards.
 We can t afford this place if the rent is triple! griped
Benjamin as the van drove off accompanied by several motorbikes.
 We ll be fine sir, answered Wilson.  Trust me.
Chapter IXX
And so this deep and fascinating study of
the human condition draws to a close. It s
been an emotional roller coaster but we ve
 all learnt a valuable lesson. Benjamin found
out that his girlfriend fancied women. Cousin
Frank Goering discovered that being a Nazi
in the modern era can be a tricky thing. The
Chicken learned that humans are as dumb
as he suspected while Wilson knew everything
anyway so it was all old news to him. By the
way, if you re in the Wolverhampton area next
Thursday, I ll be doing readings from the novel
complete with impressions and a few special
effects. Pop along to the Town Hall, it should
be jolly good fun!
Soon enough it was discovered that Uncle Tristan Bunt had
returned from his travels as he wrote to Benjamin. The following
day Master Benjamin Bunt and Wilson travelled by train before
taking a taxi to the home of Uncle Tristan Bunt who seemed to be
in fine fettle.
 I ve got a lovely tan, he said while pouring them drinks in
the front room.  I mean& well I m not as brown as eh&  he
indicated Benjamin before giving him a tumbler of whisky.
 Where did you get to? Benjamin asked after a slight pause.
 I couldn t possibly tell you all the details about my trip,
smiled Uncle Tristan giving a tumbler to Wilson who stood by his
master s side on his way to seating himself in his armchair.  But
it ended as I woke up in Thailand in a Bangkok bar being sucked
off by a lady boy. It was after that I decided I should come home.
It simply doesn t do to live your life at that pace for too long. Your
liver and lungs won t stand for it! I thought I d potter around here
for a few months, play a few rounds of golf up at the club
perhaps, make an appointment at the clinic& 
 I ve always fancied playing golf, said Benjamin.
 Really? I didn t think your people liked the sport? I thought
they were good at sprinting and basketball? Anyway, they wouldn t
let you join my golf club I m afraid. There s a crazy golf course a
few villages away?
 That s hardly the same.
 No, I suppose not. You could play cricket on the green in
this village. They like you fellows playing cricket. We could do
with a decent bowler& 
 I ve never played cricket on more than a few rare occasions.
It s boring!
 Really? I thought that s how you spent your day in
Kingston.
 Uncle Tristan! cried Benjamin.  For the last time! I ve
never even been to the West Indies!
 Really? How peculiar, he changed the subject.  I heard
that Bunt Hall was sold off to become a theme park with roller [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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